As someone who used to be introverted, painfully shy, and struggled with low self-esteem, the idea of starting a career at the age of forty seemed unimaginable, especially that I’ve never worked before. But after embarking on my own journey of self-discovery, I came to understand that humans are capable of achieving anything they set their minds to.
The journey of my self-discovery was the best journey I’ve ever made in my life. Since my childhood, I never truly fit in; it felt like my life wasn’t my own. My existence was just a facade, pretending to be someone else so I would get along with others. My parents were good people, but raised me according to their vision of what a girl should act like, making me the dullest person in the room, and without many friends. They taught me to hide my true nature and follow a certain pattern instead.
Living in a patriarchal society where progress is made, yet men are still perceived as superior to women, added to my turmoil. I was raised to believe that the only thing expected of me was to graduate college, get married, and have children. But something always felt off; it felt like living the story of someone else rather than my true self. As the years went by, I felt increasingly alienated from myself and my environment; when I began expressing my feelings honestly, people around me didn’t approve. They preferred their version of me: the polite, calm, people-pleasing one.
I graduated, got married, had my kids, but something inside me was always missing, as if I am looking for a lost piece of me. Slowly, I started to realize that I was programmed to live as I was supposed to be, not as really who I am. Then I started to understand why people saw me this way; the silent, negative people-pleasing person who no one ever took seriously; because I was seeing myself in the same light and I learned that I desperately needed to change my life. But, how can I change if I am not sure who I am?
It took me long years of living life on survival mode till I finally decided to attempt to gain a better understanding of myself. By the time I was in my mid-thirties, I went back to university to pursue my master’s degree in English literature, but after I had my degree, I got busy again for the next years with my kids and marriage. Then by my early forties, I decided I wanted to do more in my life, I started from scratch and relearned my history. In order to get to know myself better, I began reading interesting books, doing sports, meditating, enrolling in personal development work shops and doing other things. I delved into the childhood traumas that had shaped me, my marriage problems that affected me deeply, and my habits and thought patterns that dictated my life.
Facing up to my flaws and mistakes was a difficult but ultimately a very rewarding experience, and the start of changing my life for the better. I also learned that in the trip to self-discovery the first thing to improve your life is to know who you really are; your interests, values, emotions, thoughts and all that constitutes your inner being. Connecting with your self will have a great impact on your life, as it did on mine.
Self-awareness, delving into your personality, and fulfilling your needs can help you gain an understanding of yourself and cultivate a strong relationship with yourself.
During the period from my mid-thirties to early forties, I was feeling so tired, enervated, and ill-equipped to face a new day ahead. My life spiraled down to a very mundane level—just living and surviving, but nothing more. If that wasn’t bad enough, the people in my life who criticized me heaped even further torment upon my already troubled soul. They looked at me from a very superficial level and failed to see deeper. Life had become a soulless machine; I was living with no passion or purpose. Searching for meaning and healing, I started doing many things; I began to attend workshops on personal growth, read spiritual books, meditate, and seek different ways to enable me to start healing.
It was during this journey of self-discovery that I came to a really deep realization; that I had spent my whole life without knowing who I was. Instead, I had been programmed to act according to others’ plans, living up to their expectations, not mine.
I needed to take back control of my life, and so later I changed it radically. After my long trip towards knowing myself better, the mornings became no longer frantic but quieter and more peaceful. No longer would I rise from bed to dash to start the day with a bang; instead, I began taking some moments of silence every morning as a gentle way to start the day. Early morning walks became a daily routine, and having my favorite songs playing didn’t hurt either, as it lightened my mood. Moreover, each day I started writing down what I hoped and aspired for, leaving space for my dreams to breathe and exist.
Slowly, the new habits began to seep in and nurture deep self-love and acceptance within me. I learned to love myself by putting my needs first at times, not others’ expectations and needs. This was a change in perspective that enabled me to generate a more authentic and complete life based on self-awareness and development. What had once seemed the daunting task of surviving just another day changed into an enthralling journey of living fully and authentically. It was the honoring of my true Self and the intentional choices that followed that led me toward this rather profound, ever-evolving transformation: from a place of emptiness to now finding hope, joy, and deep appreciation for the person I had become.
With today’s fast-moving world, somehow, we lose our actual self and what we really want in life. Reaching a core self requires one to embark on self-discovery. Searching for an authentic self is a task that seems scary, yet very significant. Societal roles and expectations imposed on us often mask our real identity, allowing little time for reflection. Our minds are always occupied by different thoughts and activities that never allow us to focus on the self. However, amid all the hustle and bustle in our lives, finding a small chunk of time for self-awareness and mindfulness is a necessity in itself. Fortunately, there are many Tools and practices that enlighten our path towards self-discovery.
The Advantages of Self-Awareness
Developing a sense of self-awareness brings forth many advantages, unique to each individual. Recent research has shown that improving self-awareness can boost confidence and improve relationships with others. It can also lead to job satisfaction and skillful management. Additionally, it enables us to exercise more self-control and make choices aligned with our goals.
The benefits of self-awareness are numerous and far-reaching. By understanding our own thoughts and emotions, we can become more deliberate and contemplative decision makers. Our confidence is strengthened, enabling us to communicate with purpose and eloquence. We are better equipped to empathize with and appreciate others’ perspectives, allowing us to break free from preconceived notions and biases. This heightened awareness also allows us to foster meaningful relationships in our lives. As we become more attuned to our inner selves, our levels of stress begin to decrease, leading to an overall increase in happiness and well-being.